So Many Questions

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Did I make the right choice?

Will the color look right?

Will the trim match?

What color should the front door be?

How about the garage?

Oh my gosh, I forgot about light fixtures!

What style should those be?

What color?

“Excuse me, what do you want above the garage?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. Let me ask my husband.”

“Should it just be trimed in white? Should it be blue and white?” I cluelessy asked.

“I think just white,” answered my husband.

“Really? Not blue and white,” I retorted.

They are waiting for our decision…

So many questions.

So many decisions.

I hope I make all the right ones!

My house is literally falling from the sky!

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He jokingly asked “You weren’t planning on sleeping in were you?”

I joked back, “I have two little kids, there is no sleeping in!”

“Ok, good. We will have a whole crew there.”

“We are looking forward to it!”

Looking forward to it, yes, knew what to expect, no!

Today we are having our old siding removed and then they are starting to put up new siding. We are not just replacing what was there, but it is a completely different siding style, color, and design. It will look like a totally different house!

First, the walk around to size up the job. Then, the ladders and scoffolding assembled. Next, the pounding, sawing, hammering. The walls shake with every hit. Moments from Tom Hank’s Money Pit flash through my head. Don’t run into anything expected! Don’t leave my house in shambles!

Currently, I sit on the couch looking through the windows… siding, trim, and shards of I don’t know what are littering my trees, propped up against the house, and filling up my patios. My house is literally falling from the sky! Plummeting to the ground from high above leaving a dust plume in its wake.

A trailer in my driveway is being filled up with the old siding panels, pieces, and shards. How can my house fit in one trailer so neatly?

I am a go with the flow, roll with it kind of person. All I can do is peer through the windows, gaze from afar, and see my house torn away only to wait in anticipation for the big reveal!

They would think I was crazy

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Today we, unexpectadely, were asked to leave 15 minutes early! It was a scramble to wrap things up and gather my things, but I made it. On the way home, I stopped for my afternoon coffee and started listening to a recorded meeting I have been meaning to get around to. I drove home on auto pilot, enjoying my coffee, listening to ramblings, and relishing that it was still early. I pulled into my son’s school parking lot with about 8 minutes left in the meeting and pulled into a parking spot looking at the kids playing out in the field. I see some kids run up the hill and back into the building as their parents waited out front. I watched the other kids scanning looking for my son. Grey pants, grey sweatshirt… Did he wear his blue winter coat or red puffy vest? Then the revealation…

Wait, today is Thursday! He is at home today learning with his Papa! Oh my God, could you imagine if I pulled up and called to let them know I was here to pick him up! They would think I was crazy!

I quickly put it in drive, go back out the back entrance and head to pick up my daughter at daycare.

Who knew an extra 15 minutes could totally throw off my routine.

At least my daughter was at daycare when I went to the door to pick her up!

Sleep

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My bed is calling me.  Inviting me to lay down.  Tempting me to cozy up. 

I give in!

The pillow is placed just right.  My head sinks in and I nestle in to find the just right spot. I pull the blanket up and over my shoulder and tuck it in just right.  The warmth and weight allowing my body to relax.  The weight of the day melting away. 

Some nights it is better to just give in.

My heavy eyelids close. My thoughts settle.  A quiet house and the hum and breeze of the fan lull me to sleep.  

St. Patrick’s Day Anticipation

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My son has had a countdown taped to the wall in the kitchen for days counting down to St. Patrick’s Day! Each day crossing off another day and happily doing a little jig with how many days remain.  Growing up the leprechaun played tricks at school, flipped over desks, made a mess, green glitter, and gold coins abound.  But, now… the leprechaun has to come to the house! The leprechaun comes at night knocking over chairs and tossing pillows… very mischevious! He leaves behind a magic trail of green glitter with plastic gold coins and chocolate coins! He also leaves behind a St. Patrick Day token as to say, “Better luck next year!” 

Tonight on the ride home my daughter told me that leprechauns are nice and they don’t play tricks on people. I can only imagine the conversations that were had in daycare today thinking a small unknown person like being will sneak into your house and cause mischief!  I reassured her all will be fine, but she went to bed saying “I don’t want the leprechaun to come.”  No worries, all will be forgotten tomorrow when chocolate and a St. Patrick’s Day unicorn and rainbow headband are found in the kitchen!

Before my son went to bed he wrote a letter to the leprechaun thanking him for the gold, that he hasn’t even found yet, and asking him to write him a letter back! He even left him paper and a pencil! I am glad that my kids believe in the magic and get excited! I can’t wait to see their excitement tomorrow! This leprechaun has a job to do!

Scooch in. Cuddle close.

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“Bedtime. Climb in and I will tuck you in.”

She nestles into her pillow, which now needs a blanket folded over it, just like at school, she tells me. Blankets pulled all the way up to her chin.

“Do you want a song?”

A smile and a head nod as she nestles further into her pillow.

Scooch in. Cuddle close.

Where the north wind meets the sea.

There’s a river full of memory.

Sleep, my darling, safe and sound.

For in this river all is found.

Her sweet little voice singing along with me and long after I leave she continues to sing it to herself, to nobody and everybody. Some nights I just sing it. Other times she insists on only singing it covering my mouth if I begin to sing. Sometimes we can’t get past “Scooch in. Cuddle close.” and just giggle and snuggle closer. It is a bedtime ritual I love and is even more enjoyable now that we learned the last line and no longer have to hum it!

Thank you Anna and Elsa for bringing us closer together.

Whatever

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As my kids get older, there are flashes when they do or say something and the feeling and reaction that rises inside me makes me think, “Wow, now I get it. I owe my parents an apology for when I did and said this to them! Especially to my mom.” I don’t even know what prompted my son to say it, but there it was attitude and all, full of snide and meant to elicit a response: “Whatever!” Such a flippant word. Such a flippant response, but the feeling and reaction that welled up inside of me resulted in nothing more than an “Ugh and a foot stomp out the door!” He knows it irritates me just as I knew it irritated my mom. I don’t know where I learned it, probably around the time Cher and Dion in Clueless started using it, as I could recite all the lines, but the word stung and carried meaning! I don’t know where he learned it, genetics, but the word still stings and is not meant just to roll off one’s tongue and roll off the back of the intended recipient. It is purposeful and calculated. At least he doesn’t use his index finger and thumb to make a W when he says it. That may just push me over the edge. So, mom, I am sorry! Lesson learned… many, many years later.

Doubtful

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I have been meaning to go through my kids’ clothes for weeks now! Every day my son either gets dressed in pants too short or my daughter wants to wear some Christmas themed outfit! Earlier this week my daughter wanted to wear a shirt that had a penguin with presents on it. I quickly hid the candy cane striped pants and hoped she wouldn’t remember what the completed outfit looked like.

With my son, once he is dressed a mere mention of changing sends him into a fit of rage! Stomping, yelling, door slamming. I have finally given up. He only goes to school two days a week, so I at least try, and hope, that he looks presentable at least those two days. The other days he is home and running around the background or hiking in the woods. He and his friends could care less about the clothes they wear. And, if he wants to wear pants that only hit his ankles, so be it! He makes his tight sweatpants almost look trendy. Thank goodness he currently hates wearing jeans or the floods would just not have the same look.

Today I went up into my daughter’s room and put away the holiday and past season themed outfits. They may still fit next year…. doubtful! Or we may go on some cool winter-like vacation that requires warm clothes… even more doubtful! As I open up the other drawers I find shorts, t-shirts, bathing suits, and summer PJs all too small! When did my baby girl outgrow all of these clothes?! It made me somewhat sad bagging them all up. No point in keeping clothes she will never fit into. Someone else can wear the clothes that hold so many memories. I thought I was ahead of the game in ordering swimsuits earlier this weekend only to realize I may have bought the wrong size and now she needs an entire spring and summer wardrobe. Target here I come! My daughter is easy. I can sort her clothes when she is not around and make them disappear with her being none the wiser. My son, on the other hand, needs to try on some of his clothes, and that he loathes more than being told to change his outfit!

I started to go through his drawers making piles of what I know won’t fit and what I am uncertain of. He has grown so much these past months, but is still in an awkward in between sizes where some fit and some do not. I have given him the heads up that we will be trying on clothes this weekend! He started to complain, but then in his sweet little boy voice changed his tune and said, “OK, Mom!” Maybe this won’t be so bad. Maybe if I catch him at the perfect moment in the perfect mood this will be a painless task… doubtful! Maybe many of his spring and summer clothes will still fit… doubtful! Ugh, wish me luck!

Christmas Tree Flames

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It is like a train wreck happening right in front of me and I just can’t look away…

My son is outside with his friends watching a neighbor burn brush in his fire pit. His two friends have their shirts off and are running around with sticks every so often poking the fire with them or sprinting off into the back woods getting more sticks and fallen branches to burn. My neighbor friend is sitting in her yard watching the boys and the fire, while I am in the front office watching through the window. My son hangs back, rubbing his eyes from the bellowing smoke wafting towards him when the wind changes. The others get close, he hangs back. And then I see the neighbor pull a very old, very crisp Christmas tree from his brush pile.

No, he isn’t going to put that whole thing in there?! He is smarter than that, right?!

All the kids were far enough back, my son even farther. I watched as he picked up the medium sized Christmas tree and placed it into the fire pit. All I had were visions of Chevy Chase’s Christmas Vacation in my head. My neighbor switched from holding the tree with his hand to propping it up with a shovel. The bottom branches started smoldering, the red and orange flames started bellowing up and out from the bottom, and then WHOOSH the whole tree became engulfed in yellow, orange, and red flames. The flames stretched higher and higher. My eyes widened in disbelief darting from the tree to the boys and back again. The neighbor let go of the shovel, chuckled, and stepped back.

What did he think was going to happen? Could there have been a different outcome?!

The once crisp needles have now dissentagrated from the heat. The branches and trunk remain. The flames subside as all its fuel has been consumed. Grey and black smoke continue to pour from the fire pit. The boys run off into the woods. The neighbor stamps out what remains of the Christmas tree.

Maybe this is a lesson to all to not wait until March to get rid of those Christmas decorations!

I Just Want To Know

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These past two weeks have felt eternally long! Like I am on repeat and everyday is slightly the same and I am not getting any closer to the end.  The last two weeks have been especially stressful waiting for a final count on students returning to school 5 days a week.  This is the parents last selection choice for the year.  We thought we knew what the numbers would be.  That the remote students wouldn’t come back.  These parents were set on taking the extra precautions and intent on keeping their kids remote.  But then they changed their mind… 1, 2, 3, 4, maybe 5! They keep coming! Now, don’t get me wrong, I want kids back.  It is where they learn best, but where do I put them all?!!  How do I keep them safe and distanced? Especially the ones who have been home since last March! These kids and families I worry about the most.  Do they know what my class will look like?  I am constantly checking for the updated numbers.  Constantly thinking about what furniture can go and where all the desks should be placed.  What if I have to change rooms? What if I have to split up my kids? How do I choose?  How will the parents feel?  So many things are out of my control.  So many decisions that will not be up to me.  So many changes.  So many unknowns.  I just want to know!